so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
