I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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