see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
