Plan B is the new Plan A
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
