he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
