the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
