my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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