I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize