My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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