real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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