awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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