So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
