Are we in a gay sports bar?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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