i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
