Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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