I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The power of my boobs compel you
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
