a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
