I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
