Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
