So drunk its hurt
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
