Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
