Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
