from now on my penis is your penis
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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