Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize