Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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