why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
