Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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