I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
