me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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