his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
