i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
