Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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