Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I didn't notice because vodka
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
