yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
