You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize