Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
People in love make me want to vomit
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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