Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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