dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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