i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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