i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
All I want is dick and wine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
