I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
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