I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
