i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize