I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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