a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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