mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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