In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
