we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize