Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You're a waste of cheezeits
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
my liver is dry heaving
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
