Is it normal to miss your booty call?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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