WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
