I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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