i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
