she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
