How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
