man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
