We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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