I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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