there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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