Someone shit on the floor
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Small penises have feelings too.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
