I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
