All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
