mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
