I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize