he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
