I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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