Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
