I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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