You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
