Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
