the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
