And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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