Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
